At this point, we are probably all aware of the debate over whether the G-spot — an area inside the vagina that is said to be extra orgasmic — even exists, with some extolling its erotic virtues and others declaring it to be an anatomical unicorn.
But what might come as a surprise is that many men think they have a special spot of their own. The P-spot.
In some ways, the P-spot is less controversial than its well-known sister because everyone agrees not just that it exists, but that it is, in fact, the prostate gland. The question that remains is a personal one: Does touching it add to sexual pleasure?
Everyone has to answer that question for themselves, but many men likely have questions and concerns about incorporating the P-spot into their sex life, in part, because doing so usually involves butt play of some kind.
This guide explains everything you need to know about looking for your P-spot.
The prostate gland is about the size of a walnut and sits under the bladder, surrounding the top part of the urethra (the tube that takes urine out of the penis). It produces much of the seminal fluid that makes up ejaculate.
The prostate gland swells when you are aroused, and many men find that putting direct or indirect pressure on it during sex creates an intensely pleasurable sensation deep in their bodies and can lead to more powerful orgasms.
It is possible to stimulate this spot from the outside of the body by pushing on or massaging the perineum, which is the area between your legs that runs from the scrotum to the anus. You won’t be able to feel the prostate from the outside, but you might get pleasure from this indirect pressure.
You can also put indirect pressure on the prostate by pushing on the anus from the outside without penetrating — or putting anything in — it. Use your fingers (or your partner’s) to gently press on the anus.
Sex educator Corey Silverberg wrote in an article that you can imagine it like ringing a doorbell. Or, try using a larger sex toy (one that’s not meant for penetration) to stimulate the outside of the anus.
The most direct way to pleasure the P-spot is from inside the anus. It is found about an inch inside the top wall of the anus and sometimes actually feels like a walnut to the touch. (More on how to find yours below.)
A lot of biological men of all gender identities and sexual orientations do find direct or indirect pressure on their prostate to be really pleasurable. Some apprehension is understandable because anal penetration remains taboo, especially for many heterosexual men.
Never do anything that you don’t want to. But if you’re interested in giving it a try, talk to your partner openly and take it slow. Don’t go for finding the P-spot on your first anal expedition.
Instead experiment with having your partner touch your anus from the outside, and, if it feels good, maybe ask them to insert their finger just a little tiny bit. Or, you might want to do all of this experimentation on your own while masturbating, and then share your discoveries with your partner later.
Either way, always do what’s best for you and your partner. Sex is supposed to be fun and intimate and beautiful, remember?
Great, but there are a few things that you might want to do before engaging in any kind of butt play.
We also just want to take a moment to remind you ladies that we’re about to talk about doing butt stuff, which can be an uncomfortable topic for a lot of people. It only gets weirder from here, so keep that in mind!
First, you want to make sure the area is clean as possible. You are least likely to come in contact with any feces if you’ve already gone to the bathroom that day (poop is only in the rectum when it’s on its way out).
So, take a shower — or better yet, a warm bath, because that can relax the muscles in the rectum as well.
If you’re doing this alone, also check on your fingers. You want your nails to be short and not at all sharp because the skin inside the anus is very delicate. Wash your hands to make sure you’re not introducing any germs to the anus.
And, check for any cuts on your fingers. Even after a nice soak in the tub there will be some germs in the rectum. (Obviously, if your partner is the one inserting fingers, the manicuring tasks fall on them.)
If you or your partner are still feeling a little squeamish, you can use latex gloves (or the non-latex version) that health care providers use, or try finger cots (which are essentially adorable little condoms just big enough for your finger). Both of these should be available at most drug stores.
You should also invest in some high-quality lube. Unlike the vagina, the anus does not lubricate itself when you get aroused and the skin is super-sensitive, so you really do need some help getting anything to slip in easily.
The prostate gland swells when it’s aroused which means that you’ll have more luck finding it, and more pleasure from it, if you are already turned on when you start looking.
Whether you’re alone or with a partner, do some other things first like rubbing your nipples, stroking your penis, or watching a little porn.
Start by putting some lube on your fingers and massaging the outside of the anus, then gradually slip one or two fingers inside. To find the P-spot the fingers should be pointing up (toward the belly button). Try curling them a little bit like you’re making the universal signal for “come here.” Like we said earlier, you might feel the prostate gland as a small bump.
Many men say that the first thing they notice when someone pushes on their P-spot is feeling like they have to pee. This makes sense because the prostate is so close to the bladder. Take it as a sign that you’re in the right place, and keep applying pressure, or start gently massaging.
Whether you’ve found your P-spot and really like what happened next, or you’re still actively looking, there are certain things you can do to incorporate prostate massage into sex. You can continue to use fingers — they remain the best tool for the job.
Experiment until you find the best spot, the perfect amount of pressure, and the right moment (maybe it’s as you’re getting turned on or maybe you’d rather save it until just before you come).
With a little creativity and flexibility, you can combine this fingering with any number of other activities from masturbation to blow jobs to penis-in-vagina sex.
If you find that P-spot sex is your new favorite thing, you might want to invest in some sex toys such as anal beads, anal vibrators, butt plugs or strap-ons.
Just remember that not everything is appropriate for anal penetration — your boyfriend’s toothbrush or your wife’s vibrator can actually get lost in your anus and require a trip to the emergency room to remove it. Stick with toys that are specifically designed for anal play.
No one is debating whether the prostate exists, but whether it can function as a magical, orgasm-inducing, pleasure zone is really a matter of personal opinion.
If you’re up for some exploration, great. If it sets your world on fire, that’s fantastic; keep finding new ways to stimulate your P-spot. But don’t feel bad if you try it and don’t really like it. Some men find prostate massages to be boring, or even irritating, and that’s okay too.