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Tenants of Being Your Own Best Man

Tenants of Being Your Own Best Man

When you think of being the "best man" you often think of bachelor parties, rented tuxes, anxiety-inducing pre-wedding jitters, and a wild after-party with the bridesmaids. What if being the “best man” wasn’t just a one-time responsibility carried out by your trusted brothers in rad- your best friends, blood brothers, or adopted family, but rather yourself?

Let's not get ahead of ourselves, you’re still going to need a best man for your big day with that special someone, but what about all the days leading up to that and every day afterward? Who is going be with you on those days in strange new cities, tough relationship situations, and those moments that test your integrity -- you and only you. Seems a bit self-centered, no? Not really because as Elle Sommer put it, "the one person you’ll be spending the rest of your life with is you. Treat yourself with love and respect."

Be a man of integrity

A man of integrity is honest and ethical, but not only with others – with himself. Ultimately integrity is not about following some external moral code, it is about doing what you say you will do and being the man you say you will be. Integrity is what separates the men from the boys.

What do you think when a guy promises you something and doesn’t do it? When he says he’ll show up but doesn't? Unreliable for sure. Untrustworthy, selfish perhaps.

But more than all of that, immature.

Be a bon vivant

Bon vivant translates quite literally to one who lives well. Being a bon vivant doesn’t mean being a drunken vagabond, or a womanizer, but possessing an innate ability to enjoy life no matter where you are or who is in your company.

Being a genuinely great person to be around is crucial to a successful and joy-filled existence as a man, it also has the ability to make you rich and attractive. Even if you aren’t rich, or particularly attractive, feeling like you are is more than enough to convince everyone that you’re a pretty great person to be around.

Knowing how to eat well, drink well, dress impeccably (without being pretentious) lies in confidence. Confidence in one’s interests, desires, style and one’s self are crucial to being able to let go, have fun and enjoy the moment. It’s also the easiest way to let people into your life. At the end of the day, no one dances with the wallflower who doubts their god given right to cut a rug, and soak in all of the world’s pleasures. No one let’s their best homie live the life of a curmudgeon.

Be a man of confidence

The secret to being a more confident man has a lot to do with how you view yourself, which in turn has a major impact on your self-esteem. While we hear words like self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-concept used interchangeably, they actually have different definitions. This is particularly true in a world where a premium is placed on alpha men.

Before going further, it is vital that you become familiar with the term mindfulness. At its core, mindfulness is a 25-cent therapeutic term used to help a person focus on the here and now. This awareness of the moment involves all five senses and is a technique used by many people for different reasons.

Be a man of substance

Being a person of substance is showing consideration for others, first and foremost! It doesn’t mean faking it to get what one wants. It means understanding others’ shortcomings and helping wherever possible. It means putting yourself last on occasion for a friend, partner, co-worker or even someone you don’t know. How hard is it to take the brush and help clear a car of snow? How hard is it to make one extra pie for someone who needs their day brightened?

Substance means that you are one that someone can count on to support and build them UP! Not tear down to make them look smaller than you, to others. It means showing empathy toward grieving people, without judgment or ridicule. Doing that means getting over your insecurities, shortcomings, and tackling your struggles.

Treat yourself with respect

Self-respect, like the respect we get from others, is earned. It comes from turning desires and dreams into actions. It comes from following your dreams and passions, setting out to tackle something hard and getting it done. To garner self-respect comes from valuing yourself because you’re working on things most important to you. It comes from knowing that anything worth valuing comes at a price, and that includes you.

When all is said and done, and the dust settles it’s the love for yourself that will make you a better man, and your own best man. It’s that respect for yourself that will make other people love you for who are, not what you could be or should be. Just lil old you, now get back to working on being your best self.