Medically reviewed by Kristin Hall, FNP
Written by Our Editorial Team
Last updated 7/15/2022
The prostate massager: a fan favorite for some men, a guilty pleasure for others. Society still attaches a stigma to prostate massagers, but society also tries to tell us that we can’t wear white after Labor Day and that you shouldn’t eat bacon for dessert — which are objectively silly rules.
Whether you’ve just had your first eye opening experience with a prostate massager, you’re looking for an upgrade or you and a partner have finally nervously come to an agreement to “give it a try,” there are probably a lot of questions going through your head. We can’t say we blame you.
There’s not a lot of medical research out there about prostate massagers — even the idea of prostate massages is mostly explored in clinical contexts, in regards to prostate health. That doesn’t leave the prostate-massaging community with much in the way of facts to work with.
The good news there is that you might not need “facts.” Finding the right prostate massager for your needs is just about good ol’ “right-for-you” subjectivity.
You’re going to find the right prostate massager for your needs. You just need to understand what’s important about a prostate massager, what makes them different and how to tell where you’ll fall on the spectrum. Let’s start with the basics.
What makes a good prostate massager is really a question of what makes a good prostate massage — and thankfully, that’s a pretty easy question to answer.
The best prostate massage is one that brings pleasure. Aside from the alleged health benefits of certain prostate massages in certain contexts related to sexual dysfunction and some urinary issues, a prostate massage is predominantly a question of pleasure.
Prostate massages (the pleasurable ones) are designed to give men an orgasm.
Yes, it turns out that men can orgasm from their prostates, in somewhat the same way that women can have multiple sources of orgasmic stimulation.
Prostate orgasms are obviously different from penile orgasms in one way: the point of origin. A prostate orgasm is the result of stimulation of the prostate, rather than the penis.
But aside from the obvious difference, prostate orgasms actually involve a different group of muscles — and more of them. When you have a prostate orgasm, scientists believe you're actually engaging about a dozen muscles instead of the four to eight muscles thought to be involved in the contractions from a penile orgasm.
So what makes for a great prostate massager? Well, despite what your feed of memes might suggest, it is not a fist, nor is it a surface to air missile, nor is it a submarine — those things are almost certainly too big.
But the rules aren’t terribly strict, either. Anything can be a prostate massager as long as it’s non-toxic, not sharp or jagged and won’t get stuck if pushed too far in. You’ll also want to invest in some water-based lubricant, but that’s another story.
Generally, a prostate stimulator is going to look slightly different from a butt plug (another type of sex toy) because it will typically be longer and may not have the flared base. You may separately enjoy the butt plug sexual experience, but those aren’t for prostate stimulation.
Prostate massagers stimulate prostate glands the way women’s sex toys stimulate g-spots. Generally, they’re either electronic and motorized with several vibration modes, or they might achieve internal stimulation by being inserted.
A prostate vibrator offers plenty of customizable sensations for your prostate pleasure. Devices with multiple vibration patterns, vibration speeds and a powerful motor can help you hit that sweet spot of anal pleasure that leads to more intense orgasms.
You'll have to spend some time experimenting to find the right vibration settings for your needs, but with time and practice, this tool can help you get to a mind-blowing orgasm.
Honestly, while a motorized, dual-motor toy with a tow hitch and 400 horsepower or whatever they advertise sounds powerful, we don't really need to bring electricity into this whole experience to achieve intense stimulation.
Sexual pleasure can be had the old-fashioned way, with silicone toys in a variety of shapes. You'll want to look for a curved shaft or angled shaft and a bulbous head, which can help you target your prostate better. The curved shape is ideal for isolating the prostate gland easily, for all experience levels.
Don't want to spend a dime on prostate pleasure? You can achieve the same variable speeds and intensity levels and approximate the contoured head and bulbed shaft of a toy all with a finger from your (or your partner's) hand.
Your finger even has some features a toy may not — it's fairly easy to clean with antibacterial soap, it's good for intermediate and experienced users alike and it gives you advanced control during anal penetration, so you can find that walnut-sized gland with relative ease and comfort.
So look, we want you to go enjoy yourself, but before you switch over to an incognito browser, here are a few things you should know.
Your prostate is that fleshy bulb several inches inside your rectal canal, and it’s on the other side of the rectal wall from your spine, near your bladder. It may take some time to locate it, but you’ll know when you do — trust us.
As for safety, prostate massage hasn’t really been studied all that well by scientists, and when it has, it’s mostly been for its medical efficacy. These days, it’s only somewhat accepted as a mechanism for treating chronic prostatitis.
More importantly, toys and fingers can cause injury if not used safely — finding the right angle of stimulation and the right girth of the toy may take a few tries, so be careful, be gentle and be extremely patient with your (or your partner’s) body.
Prostate massagers are great and all, but you know what’s really great? A healthy sex life.
If you’re looking to experiment because you want to be adventurous, you have our encouragement. But if you’re trying something new because other things aren’t working the way they’re supposed to, it might be better to talk to a healthcare professional.
Prostate massagers might be a way around erectile issues, but they’re no solution.
The best way to maximize your enjoyment is to use it correctly and take care of all your equipment, and that may mean telling a partner to go slow or use more lube, or telling a healthcare provider when things aren’t working right.
Whatever you’re up to, enjoy — and be safe!