How to Suggest Using a Vibrator in the Bedroom

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Want to blow your lady’s mind? Offer to bring a vibrator into bed.

Partnered vibrator use isn’t as common as it could be, with only half of guys ever using a vibrator and only 10% using one in the last month. These numbers are unfortunate, considering vibrator use is linked to better erectile function, intercourse satisfaction, orgasmic function, and sexual desire in men and better desire, arousal, lubrication, and orgasm in women.

Bottom line: everyone wins when the vibrator comes to play!

Few men bring up the topic, probably because of the many misconceptions floating around out there. It’s a sign our sex life is suffering! She’ll prefer it to my penis! It’ll make things awkward!

It’s time we clear up the confusion surrounding vibrators.

What’s All the Buzz For?

Men are sadly jipped of the opportunity to use vibrators on their clit, which can make it hard to fully grasp how friggin’ fantastic vibrators can be! As a woman with a vibrator, I hold in my hands a little device capable of giving me thigh shaking orgasms in about ten minutes or less. Usually less.

Vibrators rock women’s worlds as they:

• Provide consistent sensations, which many women need to get that big O
• Provide powerful sensations, including the option to stimulate both the clit and the entrance to the vagina at the same time
• Provide a faster route to arousal and orgasm, adding new options for foreplay and sex while making it easier on fingers/tongues/penises

Vibrators are like a shortcut to pleasure for her, but in the best possible way. Orgasms can be elusive to women, especially during sex. Vibrators help increase the odds of not only her coming, but better foreplay and a stronger orgasm along the way!

Why She Hasn’t Suggested It Yet

So you may be wondering - if vibrators are so great, why hasn’t she brought up using it together yet?

Excellent question.

Maybe she’s worried you’ll interpret her request as a sign your current sexual performance isn’t cutting it (even though that’s far from the truth). Maybe she’s afraid you’ll feel insecure of your own performance after (even though there’s no reason to). Maybe she thinks you’ll be uncomfortable with the idea, but agree because you’d feel guilty saying no.

None of these scenarios lead to enjoyable vibrator use, so she may just sigh and keep her vibrator in her drawer for solo use.

What She Hears When You Suggest It

The first time my partner suggested using one, my jaw dropped. Same with the second man...and the third...you get the idea. Each time it blows my mind in the best possible way.

Few men enthusiastically suggest it, but when they do here’s what women hear:

• "I care about your pleasure and am happy to do what I can to pursue it" Your desire to bring in a toy for her sends the message you value her pleasure (insert her thinking “awwwwww, babe!”)
• "I’m open to trying new things" Who doesn’t love a partner who is down to try new ways to get us off? Yes please!
• "I’m secure in my performance and know different doesn’t have to mean better". A man happily bringing in a vibrator knowing it won’t replace his penis exudes a sexy confidence. Besides, obviously she prefers your penis or she would only ever use her vibrator right?

How to Bring it Up

Talking about your sex life can be a somewhat delicate topic, even when all you want is to improve it for her. Intentionality about how you start the conversation can help smooth over potential awkwardness.

One natural window is during any conversation about trying new things in bed. Casually mention you know many women own vibrators and you’d be open to incorporating it into your time together.

Or you can bring it up out of the blue but prefacing with something like "I was thinking of new ways I can make you feel good and the idea of using a vibrator popped into my head. If you’d ever want that, I would love to try it."

Or you can suggest it as a possible gift, something like "I’ve been brainstorming what to get you for your birthday, would you ever want a vibrator that we can bring into the bedroom together?"

However you bring it up, it’s important to stress you are enthusiastic about trying it. If you seem reluctant or like you are offering just to be nice, it instantly becomes less appealing.

How to Use a Vibrator

Don’t worry, these little devices are incredibly user friendly. She can show you how to turn it on (and show you how she likes it to be used).

A few notes before you start:

• Stress you are excited to use it. Nothing kills the mood more than realizing your partner is uncomfortable with the vibrator.
• Tell her she can guide you. Something wonderful happens when women feel they can express their desires to a partner knowing he will follow through. Research shows their sexual pleasure increases! Sure, she probably knows you appreciate guidance. But hearing it from you explicitly helps.
• Dedicate time to foreplay. Her body still needs to be warmed up. Going directly for the clit won’t do much (and can even hurt). Hold and kiss her for a few minutes before even turning the vibrator on.
• Grab the lube. The vibrator’s coating can rub against our skin in an uncomfortable way. Always use lube!

Once she is warmed up, do your thing with your trusty new toy. Vibrators can be used in so many ways, but here’s a few ideas to get you started:

• Run it over her nipples
• Tease her by rolling it along her thigh and bikini line
• Lightly press against her clit while fingering her
• Use internally while stroking her clit with your fingers, making sure to slowly thrust the vibrator back and forth (simply holding it in place often doesn’t do much pleasure-wise)
• Bring it into the shower (but first check to make sure her toy is water resistant)
• Hold it against her clit during sex

As always when you try something new in bed, it’s good to debrief after. Would you both try it again? Should something have gone different? What are your thoughts on the experience?

It may take a time or two before using a vibrator feels second nature. It’s a learning process, so be sure to cut yourself some slack. You’ve already blown her mind with your willingness to use it in bed. Anything else is icing on the cake for you both.